published: Friday, November 06, 2009

Talking with Tori

Tori Kelley, Ph. D.

Correspondent

Dear Tori,

I am in the fifth grade and my mom is helping me write this letter. She says I have a crush. I like this boy in my class. He is the first boy I have ever liked. I have been thinking about him a lot and have special feelings for him. Right now I don't say very much to him, but I was wondering if I should tell him I like him?

Signed,

Crush

Dear Crush,

It is normal that you have special feelings for a boy in your class. This is the beginning of how people learn about themselves and others and also about love. It is a special time for you because these feelings are new.

As you grow, you will learn how to handle them. Having a crush at this age can be risky because if other classmates find out, they might start teasing you both. Whether you tell the boy you like or not is up to you, but you must be ready for the consequences if he doesn't like you back, which is why it is called a crush.

Back when girls put all their self-esteem into a boy liking them, they used to feel "crushed" if their feelings were not returned. Nowadays, girls have a lot more going for them than just needing to be liked by a boy - girls have friends, sports, clubs, like the girl scouts, and many other choices of things to do with their time.

If he does like you back, that's nice, but I wonder what you will do from there? You both are too young to go on a date, kiss, or anything else. I suggest you try being his friend and see what kinds of things you can do together with adults present, like homework, school projects, baking cookies, or sports, etc. As you continue to grow, there will be other people who you will have special feelings for... it is part of our social nature.

Tori Kelley, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist and owner of Central Florida Mental Health in Clermont. To submit a question, please go to

www.centralfloridamentalhealth.com <http://www.centralfloridamentalhealth.com/> . The contents of this column are for information only and are not meant to be used as a substitute for professional therapy.